No More Stupid Drama (Tell Me How You Really Feel)

The last few years of my life have not been easy, but I've survived. Despite everything I've also learn how to grow and change. I've matured into a young women who is starting to learn how to let go of unnecessary drama. To realize that some problems aren't ever going to be fixed no matter how much you try and force them to. There are three examples of this right now. Three ways in which I can best explain how I'm so very much done with the drama.

1. My Cousin: I love her to death and I have literally grown up with her. She is someone who is only a month younger than I am, yet became an adult way too soon. She shows both her immaturity and her responsibility for things at the same time. In different ways I see the glimpse of a strong woman, but before it gets too serious she turns into a moody teenager again. I know that most likely I don't know what it is like to be a mother at seventeen or what it feels like to deal with failed relationships over and over again. To have two kids, by two different guys. However she makes her own choices, she stirs her own pots, and she is the one that creates her own dramatic situations. I've learned in the last few years, not to buy into it. Keep my nose clean and not get caught up in the craziness she likes to bring into our family. She is the type of girl that has gotten everything she has ever wanted since we were twelve years old and yet still claims to never have enough. That is her problem and it took many years, but I realize that it really doesn't have to involve me anymore. I'm done with that drama.
2. My Friend Lauren: Here is someone else whom I love dearly, but I'm starting to see that she might not be the type of friend to keep around. Lauren has always been flaky and a little particular. However in the last few years she has become more vain and selfish. She cares more about the boys she can sleep with than the friends that would have stuck by her. She doesn't make plans with me anymore. She ignores my phone calls. She cares more about what serves her than she has ever worried about others. She can't hold down a relationship because she doesn't know what the hell she wants. Stringing poor boys along like a black widow. I am on the verge of something really sad and really scary. I think I have to let her go. I miss Lauren, but I don't think she exists anymore. I miss the girl that I used to go to Twilight premieres and concerts with. The girl that was fun to walk home with and be silly at her house for slumber parties. Somewhere down the line she started blaming me for her failures and not taking responsibility for her own faults in our friendship. Maybe I wasn't always the most patient, but I just didn't feel like giving respect when I wasn't getting it back. Lately I've just kind of stopped putting effort in. In my final resort I tried to make plans with her, she bailed. Now like I said I don't really think she wants this and maybe this was her way of phasing it out. Me, trying to be the mature one would have like a formal kiss off, but hey you can't always get what you want.
3. An Ex of Mine (That isn't Jordan): This is a harder type of drama, because I know that I sort of started it. Here is someone that I fell in love with, but not in the same way. It has kind of created a bit of a cloud storm. However I'm not going to be a part of it any longer. Not going to sit here and respond excessively to his “My Love is Worthless” statements. I don't want to talk ill will of him, because I know I caused him a lot of pain. I just think he is oversimplifying something he doesn't really understand. I'm not a heartless bitch, but here is the bottom line. He is mad right now and I'm sure he has every right to be, but I don't care. I'm moving on with my life because the truth is I fell in love with someone else. I didn't plan this. I didn't search for ways to hurt this other person. Things happen in our lives that we can't explain. I think Alex stole my heart away a long time ago and I never really got it back. I guess I just hadn't realized until he had said something after the wedding. I take responsibility for the pain I caused, but this other boy needs to mature a little bit too. He is still in his boy phase of life and I just needed to find a man that wanted to take care of the broken parts of me. One that could relate to the darkness. I think that was always the problem with the other boy. It wasn't an easy decision to let go of it; jumping into the unknown. But I just felt like I had found my someone that makes me feel like God's plan for me is coming into light. I should NEVER have to feel guilty for that. I shouldn't have people judging me for doing something God told me to do, but I guess when I say I'm done with the drama I also mean I don't really care what his people think of me either. They are going to judge a situation from the one side they believe in. That is their prerogative. I'm going to live my life with Alex and be happy. I'm going to live my life for God. I deserve to be happy. One day this other boy will be happy again too. He needs to get out of the cloud of depression and build himself up again. I know it is possible because I did it once too.

So as you can see my mind has been thinking about these situations lately, but I'm done. No more giving this drama the time of day. I'm going to do what makes me happy. I have an amazing boyfriend who doesn't judge me for my past and two great friends that have supported me and my decisions. These are people that pray for me and are always cheering me on. They are what is real in this world, not the stupid drama.

What did Craig David say in that song? Oh yeah:

“I'm walking away... from the drama in my life. I'm walking away... to find a better day.”