Patience is a Virtue

Being patient has always been a struggle for me. Whether it be waking up at 2:00am as a child to see what Santa brought me or those high school days as a teenager wishing on stars for a boy to fall in love with me it was always an issue with patience. I have always had a knack for wanting to shoot through life like a pleading star across the universe. The thing I’ve realized about stars lately is that they die. The year is different, the circumstances have changed and I’m much older. Yet I still face challenges in this thing called patience.

Webster’s Dictionary says:
Patient – Demonstrating uncomplaining endurance under distress.

The Bible says:
 James 5: 7 –9 : be patient, then, brothers, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crops and how patient he is … you too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near. Don’t’ grumble against each other.

I think through my many life lessons dealing with patience have came down to faith. It was so easy back then knowing exactly that my dreams would come true with god’s help. That those things were simple and I had plenty of time ahead of me to make those choices. I have faith; don’t get me wrong. My faith resides in my trust in god and I also have faith in myself. However to be honest my faith can sometimes fade when it comes to Jordan. He is the one person I wish I could have unfailing faith in at this point in my life. Faith that he has the ability to make my wildest dreams come true. I really want to have the kind of faith it takes to move mountains, the kind it takes to be patient with him as he begins a new journey. I know that one day I will be able to have that kind of faith in him and that it just needs to be earned. The problem is that as of late he has broken my heart, lied to my face, and given me many reasons to mistrust him.

Whatever… I didn’t start writing this blog to complain about my frustrations with my boyfriend’s fear of commitment. So I will continue with the theme: Patience. I’m trying to ask god for more patience, to allow me to remember the six and sixteen year old girl I was. To remember what made that girl in myself so hopeful and patient has god guided my life; praying to god for what she needed. I want to be more focused on what god wants for me and less about what I want for myself. I believe in god’s plan for me. Even if I may not agree with the timing I want to remember the reasoning behind god’s decisions. I’m listening to Leeland – Enter This Temple. It is helping me visualize god’s plans for me.

So I leave him a prayer tonight:

Dear God Its Me Brianna,

As we bot h know these last few years have been hindered by the crazy and chaotic. I know was a major result of my selfishness and envy. Ever since I was a young girl I’ve begged and pleaded to have things happen when I wanted them to. I know I’ve never had the greatest amount of patience especially in these last few years. I know I haven’t been patient in your will for my life and I drive myself crazy sometimes. Please help me. Please relieve my doubts, set me on the right path and tune my ears to hear what you want for me. ~ Amen

Maybe I should enjoy the little things and find the little blessings more. The reasons why my unanswered prayers maybe the best thing for my life right now.
So blogger friends.
Do any of you have unanswered prayer that worked out to your advantage?