Enter This Temple

The internet is down currently. So this means that the origin of this post is in the midst of the early morning hours (or late night depending on who you are.) Bites of fried egg sandwich and the scribblings of this girl. Soft music filling my head as I feverish write inside of a wrinkled notebook. This is what being a writer is about, even if it is only for a blog. It is about taking those things that you struggle with and jotting them down before they strangle the life out of you.

I think the internet being out is a blessing and lesson from God. It is telling me that tonight I just need to slow down and think. To really worship and find the solace in God's peaceful wisdom. To take the words he has given me and let them surround me. Tonight I'm listening to some music, it seems to be something that calms me and translates God's unfailing love for me in this moment. So many beautiful songs that are helping me with something sad. “You are Jesus” by Aaron Gillispie, “Light up the Sky” by The Afters and Brooke Fraser's – “Lead me to the Cross” are just some of the songs on my huge spiritual list on the jutebox tonight. A few of many amazing songs that God has blessed me with. As Well as the title song: "Enter this Temple" by Leeland. Seriously some GREAT worship bands filling the voids in my heart tonight.

I've learned a few important and beautiful lessons tonight. The first is that I should always listen to my gut, because more often than not this may be the way God gets his messages to me. Lesson number two comes from a quote:
"It is hard to hold on to something you know will never be yours in any way you can think of. You just have to learn to let go and face the fact that while good things never last; some don't even start.”

It is hard to watch something you've tried so hard to believe in fall apart in front of your eyes. Since the beginning of this New Year I believed in something that made me feel safe and sound. I believed in someone that made me feel happier than I had in a long time. I believed in someone that also made me restless. I waited patiently until I was right.... he decided he didn't want this anymore. I guess intuition wins over again.

Maybe I'll give him credit, maybe he was being truthful when he said that his life was too unbalanced to add any more things to it. However it doesn't matter, because the bottom line is: He doesn't want me. As much of a hopeless romantic I am I've learned very well these last few years that people are people, they are not movie stars. There will be no epic “No Wait I Made a Mistake!” there is not going to be some moment where the boy takes the girl, usually somewhere raining, and gives her this speech. Maybe it is like Taylor Swift says “I'm not a princess, this aint a fairy tale.” I don't want to sound overly dramatic, but I am just facing reality slowly. This person is not a bad person and I know that he never intended to hurt me, because how were either of us suppose to know how these feelings would progress. I'm not in love, I just had a small crush. Yet this already broken heart has a few bruises on it tonight.

There is great hope though. Just because things didn't work out this time, does not mean that they will never work out. I guess God is just reminding me who is in control here. So alas tonight I start moving on. Maybe it was a right person; wrong time sort of situation, I'm done waiting around for maybes that will slay me. It is time to figure out if there is something new out there for me. God will guide my heart towards a capable pair of hands soon enough. So I am strong and I am brave facing this world with grace. I need to remember that there is so much fun to be had and that these things don't define me. So maybe my ego is a little bruised and I feel a little foolish, but that wasn't my fault. We are going to continue to be friends. I'm not really sure what is going to happen in the end, but I guess that is why it is called the end. So I'm living for three important things:

Life: I have people to see and places to be. I have a job that I should focus on more these days now. There is nothing wrong with a hard days work. With a little elbow grease and a positive spirit I can go so many wonderful places.
Love: I have people that love me. A Savior that loved me so much that he died for my sins. I am not alone in this world. I have people that care about me. I have love in my heart, so much to give to someone someday. I know some day that it will attract the right kind of person.
Hope: I have hope and pray that God will give me what I need in this time to remember that my heart belongs to someone. Someone I haven't even met yet.

Sorry for such a long post, but when I get a fresh notebook in my hands,a mind full of though and the internet out who knows what insomnia awaits. However I finally feel sleepy enough.
So Good Night.