This is my sixth year of music inspired blog entries. I wish I could say that life has gotten more musical; that like the amazing new lyrics and catchy tunes that my life had gotten a bit easier. Yet the biggest life lesson is to understand how different years are. That some years are harder than others, but that is what learning is about. Every year I do this I imagine what my life will be like the new year and yet this year has prepared me for the unexpected. I love how these bands, musicians, and the musical moments soundtrack my years. They allow a reader to see what kind of mindset and who I was in that year. This my dear friends was like the title says a “Bittersweet Symphony”. It was the year of betrayal, a drunk cheating boyfriend, and a lot of stupidity. However that is just how it began and not how it is ending. It is a year beginning with betrayal and despair; leading a musically inspired girl to pick up pieces of her broken heart and falling for someone new. I love how much this year gave me the possibility of a new hope and a great recreation. It ends with new faith in god and maybe the future of true love someday soon. So lets begin.
As I began to lose the deepest parts of myself and a slight bit of sanity I needed familiarity. August was a rather stressful month and yet the soft sounds of Lifehouse were there to sooth me when someone else couldn't. It was a month where “Broken” and “Hanging by a Moment” had brand new meaning. The music allowed me to survive the constant negativity and rude comments flying my way. Lifehouse was important because it helped me survive Cole's horrid behavior in a stronger way personally. It helped me as a person survive something that my relationship would not be able to. I am slowly forgetting that night in late August, but I will always remember listening to “Whatever It Takes” the month of August and knowing deep down that I didn't have the kind of person who would do whatever it took and although I promised I wouldn't I had been broken enough and I lost faith in him.
September 2010: Break Up Songs
Even on my birthday I felt the enormous weight of distance. I know I did all I could and that nothing that happened was my fault. In the end a stupid boy's weakness broke my heart. This was the month where I learned the true meaning of betrayal and where I found peace in the most beautifully amazing songs. There were Taylor Swift rifts about “White Horses” and “Change”. There was a soft Miranda Lambert tune the made me think if I had only been “More Like Her.” If I might have been a little more like the girl he cheated with. Deep inside my broken heart I still knew the strength of life and started to listen to empowering songs. “I Feel So Good Without You”, “Circle the Drain”, and “Impossible.” Finally ending with the bittersweet “Steel City.” It was the month of wilting and reviving, but I made it through.
Note: It wasn't until October, but I found the most amazing break up song ever in Taylor Swift's: Last Kiss. It was the song that allowed me to truly grieve and move on with my life.
October 2010: Goo Goo Dolls
As I picked up the pieces of my shattered heart and got rid of piles of Jordan's old crap I needed a deep down music intervention. I needed a nostalgic band, something to remind me of who I was before I met him. This is where the music of my teens came to the rescue. From “Name” to “Sympathy”, “Iris” to “Slide” I was reminded of how my heart hadbeen broken before and I survived. How even though this was more hurtful I would continue to survive and these beautiful songs allowed me to believe in myself again. My boyfriend cheated on me, but it didn't mean that I wasn't good enough. It just meant that life happened and I would get to move on to someone who cared about me enough to allow me to “Let Love In.”
November 2010: The Ready Set
The coldness of November never hit me as I started the new life I was determined to have. I needed to unwind and say goodbye to stupidity. I had so much fun spending time with Emily for her birthday. November was about faced paced songs mixed with good times and people I hadn't seen in forever. The social outlet was just what I needed. The Ready Set and his poppy mix of “Love Like Woe” and “More Than Alive.” These songs gave me motivation to go out and do what I was destined to do. I had wonderful thankful nights with Amanda and heartbreaking lessons, but we found out the trues of friendship. November was about being wild and having fun with friends. Cherishing those late nights laughing until you cried and crying until you could laugh again.
December 2010: The Honorary Title
As the twinkling lights started showing up on houses and wonderful nights of snow flew bombarding the Twin Cities I was thankful to start getting ready for the new year. December was about being snowed in and having some crazy nights with Amanda. I had lots of fun getting ready for the holiday season and listening to wonderful Christmas songs. Inside the warmth of a house often during nap time I was blessed to spend those spinning days getting to watch One Tree Hill in the afternoons on Soap Net. This is where I found the band of December. The Honorary Title was one of the bands featured on the show because of the character Peyton Sawyer. I decided the final month of the year I would spend it discovering music like Peyton and listened to The Honorary Title's “Untouched and Intact.” and “Stay Away.” Both of these songs spoke that I just wanted to move on with my life. Ready for the freshness.
January 2011: The Graduate
The new year began with a bang, a toast, and a promise to do more things I had always put off. One of these wonderful things was my new subscription to AP (Alternative Press) Magazine. I'm such a musically obsessed person. (I mean I've been keeping a music blog since I was seventeen) I wanted another way to find new bands and to discover what beautiful new sounds were out there. January was about getting a fresh start and crossing things off a bucket list. Upon diving into my first issue of AP I found The Graduate. This Alt Rock band and the song “Stuck Inside My Head.” Got me through the freezing winter days. I needed the guitars and the instrumental interludes to clear my head. These loud songs allow me to focus on me. I love “Anhedonia” and I enjoyed so much of their music I went on a little Itunes shopping spree and got their new album. The Graduate reminded me of being seventeen again and listening to those Fueled by Ramen bands again. About why I do this and what music means to me. It is about dancing around my living room and feeling my heart beat to the rhythm of the drums.
February 2011: Downtown Fiction
During February I was haunted by the memories of what February used to be in the past. So when Itunes Video of the Week “I Just Wanna Run” by Downtown Fiction came out I loved the pop filled catchy tune. I felt like running too and ended up getting the rest of the album. A mixture of sweet love songs and fast paced melodies reminded me of a very Parachute like sound. I fell in love with it and I started to remember what was important in February was now about falling in love with me again. “Where Dreams Go To Die.” and “Best I've Never Had.” are two great songs. The Downtown Fiction was about living life and loving that life I've been given.
March 2011: Poema
In a sweet flood of syrupy songs I heard about Poema from AP Magazine. I decided to check them out and I felt like this was the perfect band for the spring. The flowery elegance of their music made me feel youthful again. I am not sure which song is my favorite because the whole EP is such a wonderful mixture of sweet love songs and wondrous questioning anthems of love, life, and being a girl. “Blue Sweater” talks about missing a lover and writing letters. I began to imagine a new boy in my future that would love me and would miss me. I pondered along with “City Boy” and “Echo Off The Sky” which are such girlish anthems and I fell in love with the new spring to them. “2 am” is a fun song about nerves and about dating. Thinking about a boy and having him consume your mind. As I failed miserably start trusting God with my love life to find my better half and search I was reminded that it is ok to be clumsy within feelings. I learned to be.
April 2011: Tenth Avenue North
I have been listening to this band since I was nineteen, however this was the month where I needed them the most. I've had a rough few years and I've struggled within my faith in God. Tenth Avenue North's song “Beloved” saved my heart. I heard it on Air 1 one night and it reminded me that I'm never alone. I was led to remember that I have someone that has already vowed to love me forever unconditionally. I often times tear up at the wonder of this song. During this month I began to find my way to God's loving arms again. “Love is Here” has always been a favorite of mine and being able to listen to “You Are More” and “Hearts Safe” again reminded me that I am beautiful and cherished. These songs gave me the confidence in myself again because I have God with me always and "By Your Side."
May 2011: Family Force Five
The month of May was bittersweet because I was ending one journey and beginning a new one. It was a scary and wonderous time. I was leaving the little boys I had taken care of for almost a year and moving on towards new kids that needed me. In this time I got to spend a lovely night going to a concert with my dear friend Kenan. We went to go Since Forever, Stereo Skyline, Swimming with Dolphins, and Family Force Five for Family Force Five's Tourantula Tour. It was a blast of a night and I couldn't get the catchy tunes out of my head. I had already become a “Love Addict,” but that night I got “Supersonic” Learned the “Wobble” and realized it was time to “Dance or Die.” The concert and everything it made me feel afterwards was a great way to begin my summer. I am thankful for Kenan for taking me because she knows them and has seen them so many times. It was a wonderful experience. It reminded me that you can worship God in so many different ways. Sometimes in crazy, chaotic, and sweaty ways.
June 2011: Shawn McDonald
June began with such wonderful chaos. The camp season began in full swing and along with that came familiar songs and new people. This was the month were I received blessings in the form of new friends. I had been listening to Shawn McDonald for quite a long time even since my first year at Sonshine. Maybe being back in Willmar this summer was why Shawn became one of the artists on my soundtrack to summer. When I was fifteen I had heard “Gravity” and like the way his voice was different and his music had substance. As I grew older I found more amazing songs by him and this summer I worshiped to these songs I got to be somewhere I loved and missed. Every time we were in the Chapel one of the APDs would play “Take My Hand.” As I danced and worshiped singing out to God it was a wonderful experience. I was slowly finding my way back to the kind of relationship I had with God when I was a teenager. I even found a new song by him this summer called “Rise” which talks about rising from the ashes because of something that is greater than I could ever be. Truly amazing times by the lake turned into so many beautiful memories. This was the month where feelings started to grow.
July 2011: Ron Pope
This summer changed my life in a greater way than I expected it could. I have had a faith in God since I was twelve years old and although I've struggled with it for the last few years this was the month where I finally found my way back to the girl I've missed being. One night sitting in Brittany's car traveling towards an adventure she was playing this acoustic sounding male singer. With a soothing voice like Gavin Degraw I listened to the beautiful lyrics of “Our Song” I realized that love might only be a heartbeat away. The soft harmonized world soothe me throughout July's toughest moments. In July I finally bought his album on Itunes. In the twinkling of “Fireflies” I begin to fall in love with more than just a feeling, but in a person. As these feeling became more complicated and the questions fogged my mind I listened to “A Drop in The Ocean” and I felt exactly how Ron was singing about. “A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather. I was praying that you and me might end up together. It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, But I'm holding you closer than most, 'Cause you are my heaven.” The summer started to come to a close and the song that ended this yearly soundtrack is “If You Were a Stone.” It captured all my feelings on life, on love, on God, and on this amazingly insightful year.
So this musical year might have started as the year of the cheating boyfriend and of his evil best friend. This may have began as the year of betrayal and loss, but it didn't end that way. It wasn't an easy year and not what I imagined for my twenty-second year, but it was life. You can't fake it or force it. You just live it and hope for the best. Usually I make predictions of how I want my life to be in the next year, but I know that it doesn't matter so much anymore. The mystery of life is not on what I would like happen, but embracing what is happening. So I hope to continue to be this happy. I hope to figure out what my purpose in life is. I want to continue to fall in love to music. To strengthen my faith in so many things through music. Funny how much faith I've gained in a year by myself, in a year where people attempted to make me feel so badly about myself. This is the year I want to fall hopelessly into happiness. I want to feel more alive and to live the best life God will allow for me. I want to keep these yearly soundtracks. I want to be able to look back at the songs and artists; remembering what they meant to me and what they did for my soul. I've survived through music and I will continue to survive inside the phenomenal world of it.
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