I Feel Pretty, Witty, and Brave (Blast from the Past)

I'd like to believe that the age of female persecution has ended, but sadly this isn't true. We are criticized all the time from others and from ourselves in the mirror. By the magazines and television programs. Sometimes even by dense men. I've often been captured by the feeling of not being enough. As a girl I cannot deny that at times I don't feel skinny enough or that I don't have big enough breasts. That my teeth are too crooked or my butt is too big. I have learned that no matter what I don't like about myself there are more things I love about myself. That those are the things that make me different from others. These are the things that don't determine who I am as a person. Glee this week was brilliant. It reminded me that no matter what people say; I was born this way. I am beautiful. I recently realize this week that a few specific people made me become plagued by the “I don't like my...” attitude. One of which betrayed all the things they once said made me beautiful. After someone cheats on you; you begin to attack yourself and pull out all the details that you believe made you unappealing. I think this was my motivation to understand why I was made to be the way I was. God allowed me to see that I wasn't unappealing that it had nothing to do with me. It was someone and their lack of faithfulness.

I just got back from out of town. This past Thursday and Friday I finally decided to cross another thing off my bucket list. My bucket list I've come to learn is about bravery and courage. I finally took a small road trip. It was my first time driving myself to River Falls to visit my best friend Amanda. I went to see the One Act Festival and to spend some much needed time with one of my favorite people. I knew there was a possibility of seeing him, the one that made me feel unpretty for a short time, however I begged that I wouldn't. You can't run from things like that and nonetheless there standing in front of me was the man that cheated on me and his new girlfriend.

In my head I imagined how this first sighting would go. I didn't feel ashamed or unpretty anymore. I felt empowered and I felt “pretty, witty, and brave.” I asked myself before if when the day came would I finally get the questions I've wanted answered? Would it turn into an angry verbal thing like the silly soap opera I watch? Thankfully it wasn't like either. In the moment I felt so fearless and tall. No longer did I have that unpretty scent to me. I stood strong and unwavering in my self-respect. Like I promised I didn't speak a word to him and I ignored him. He doesn't deserve to be noticed by me anymore. I am too pretty for him.

Finally Amanda and I went to Applebees. Walking into the door; Hey There Delilah was playing. It didn't send sad feelings in my heart. In fact, it never did. I love that song and I always have. I loved it before I met him and I love it even more now. It is just a song, not a moment in time. Driving home I saw his mother. All these little signs this weekend remind me that the past isn't far behind you no matter how fast you run.However that is what it is. A past, although things might not always stay hidden there it gives me the hope that just as my past is not far behind me my future gifts aren't far ahead of me as well. I get to find someone that won't only find me pretty, but breathtakingly beautiful. He will love all the parts that I don't about myself. He will say. "You are the more beautiful than I could have imagined.

"If a man truly loves you the only thing he'll want to change is your last name."

I learned a long time ago that I have beauty that isn't rivaled by anyone. I have true beauty so I am going to make a list of the things I love about myself.

1) Red hair
2) My big beautiful innocent brown eyes
3) My hopeful heart
4) My respect for people
5) My openness to believe in the best in people
6) My curves
7) My nice long legs
8) My brain (I'm intelligant)
9) My relationship with god
10) Last but not least. My self-respect to not sacrifice my moral standings to impress a silly boy.

"You can buy your hair if it won't grow. You can fix your nose if you say so. You can buy all the make up that M.A.C. can make, but if you can look inside you, find out who am I to; be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty. Yeah, I'll make you feel unpretty too."

This is for the cutters, the purges, the girls that don't eat, the ones with the big butts, the ones with the small boobs, the girls in the back of the stage, the girls with fears. You are beautiful and don't let anyone make you feel unpretty.