Light Up Light Up 2009!

“I'll sing it one last time for you. Then we really have to go. You've been the only thing that's right; in all I've done. And I can barely look at you, but every single time I do. I know we'll make it anywhere; away from here.” - Run by Snow Patrol

Hello Lovers and friends can you believe another new year is upon us? A new moment and a new free feeling of letting go of the bad and embracing the new, different, and good. I am sitting here in the low light of a lamp living my first real moments of 2009 alone. I’m just listening to some music on my ipod and pondering what new amazing things this New Year may have for me. Although 2008 was not the worst in my list of past years it was not the best either. I am listening to Run by Snow Patrol at the moment and it really seems like the perfect goodbye song for 2008 as I ‘run’ towards 2009. I feel like it is a message from god. Like Jordan is the only thing that seemed 100 % right in everything I had done last year. It was a constant falling thing, a falling deeper into love with him thing. I did, I truly felt what it is like to be unconditionally and irrevocably in love with someone. This song makes me feel that with Jordan by my side and god always protecting us I can ‘run’ towards the promise land that I hope is 2009. However wonderful this song can be as it can make me laugh and cry at the same time, it makes me think of a sad day. I am so happy that Lauren shared the song with me, but it will be a sad moment when she leaves for college this year and I must say good bye. I understand that is will not be forever and that I can always visit, but it is just another person leaving. I’ve seen Amanda leave, my friends from college and now her choose paths and start journeys. Scared and frightened that some of them will not make it back. Lauren has been an amazing companion these past 4 years. She has kept my innocent and young pieces alive. While hanging out with her I have made memories that I will never forget. I will miss her as much as I missed Amanda when she left. I will not only say goodbye to Lauren, but to the young pieces of my life also. I think the Rascal Flatts song I’m listening to says it best.

“There comes a time in everyone’s life. When all you can see are the years passing by.”

It means that I must let this moment pass. That it is much less of a sad time for me as it is a happy time for Lauren that I must support. I’m excited for her journey to begin and I will love her, like all my friends forever. 2009 makes me afraid, but I am praying that I may be closer to god. Dare you to move just came on now and maybe this is another song for the year. I truly love this song because whenever I don’t feel good enough or frighten beyond belief it gives me a new sense of hope. It helps me believe that maybe I can make it in this world. That there is no task that is going to be too much for god to help me with. I want to do so many things this 2009 and with god, Jordy, and music I know I can accomplish anything I set my heart upon. The economy sucks, but the economy has nothing on my god’s ability. I want to live, love, pray hope, feel, and dream. I know I have many things to look forward to as well as amazing memories I can hold onto. I am just going to lay it out this year, all I want or am excited for on my digital sleeve. So this is everything I want to accomplish or feel happy about in 2009. My 9 for 2009 List!

9 For 2009!
1. Live in the Decade: I have this tendency to over think when it comes to my life. I am going to try not to do that. I’m going to make realistic goals and think about the future in my 20’s instead of what life will be like at 40 or 50.

2. Let Things Happen: I also have this way of worrying too much about when things should happen. I want to enjoy the chaos and fun of my 20’s. I am not going to worry and let certain magical and important moments just occur when they are supposed to happen naturally.

3. 21 and Counting: I am going to be twenty one years old! I’m going to be 21! I think that enough to be excited for! Yeah!

4. Moments with Jordan: So I can’t wait to discover more about myself and Jordan this year. You may think you know a person or even yourself, but each moment makes you learn more and more. Jordan has turned me into an adult and I am excited to be his girlfriend. In February it will be a year and six months, in August two years. I can’t wait to fall deeper into this crazy little thing called Love.

5. God my Savior: This year I want to fall in love with god again and again. I don’t want to be the scared, lost little girl. I know my past year would have gone better if I was able to grab a hold of god and would have been a better daughter to him. So hello Jesus and I love you.

6. Music!: I don’t think I can say this enough, but music is like my whole life. From today’s band of the month Thriving Ivory to Nate’s amazing Falling for Fallacies I want to worship and live in a world full of happy, sad, emotional, free music. I want to find the new artists and love the old even more. I want Music!

7. Brotherly Love: I have never really been that close to my little brother. I realize that next year he will be in college and might soon be far away. I want to be closer to him and really appreciate him more as the person he is. He can be a jerk sometimes, but I need to treat him better myself. I need to have more patience with all people including him. I want to be someone my brother can get along with better. He is the only sibling I have and I want to love him before it may be too late and I don’t get to see him.

8. Words are Amazing: So I want to read more and write more. I am excited for all the new books I may discover and read this year. I want to be steadier with this blog. I am excited to be reading the Twilight books again and excited for the second movie. I want to feel freer and I can when I write so this year I will do that.

9. Friends: This past year I have made so many new friends. From my cooking school buddies to the ones that were Jordan’s school mates I have learned to be brighter and more fun for myself. I have come out of the high school shell I had for so long. I had great times with existing friends too. I had fun watching Nate’s band at Station 4 and at my 20th birthday party. I gain a new friend in Josh with that situation. Perkins and Old Chicago nights have helped me make friends with Kyle, Brian, and Cole. I have had fun times with Lauren like the premiere of Twilight. Even though Amanda has been far away I never for a minute forget about how much fun we have had and hilarious phone conversations when we are apart.

So I am exhausted, this blog really has taken a toll on me. I have to start cleaning because I am taking care of someone’s house for the past two weeks. I am excited to go home, but will miss this place of freedom. I get to go home and put my cupcake calendar up so at least I have some things to look forward to today. Now for my version of a classic line.

“About three things I am absolutely positive…
First I believe 2009 is going to rock!
Second there is a part and I’m not sure how strong, that will try and bring me down.
And third I am hoping to unconditionally try and love this year.”

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!