It's Hard To Breathe When Your Standing

I spent another few nights thinking. It started with another Saturday Night confession night eventually leading to today. I confess that I’m stressed. Nineteen hasn’t been the most productive year and not the year to relieve much stress. I’m extremely excited for the future though. The fresh starts that await me; I hope I can become closer to god this year. One thing that I am glad this year however is for my love for Jordan. There are times in which he can break my heart to the point of permanent destruction, but I think it is god showing me that relationships are hard work and not always what you see in movies. A little stress has come from this relationship, but I have learned throughout the last year with him that I can be a different person. I know people may think I’m too head over heels and at times I believe that I am also, yet being with someone for a year tends to lead people to these feelings. Still however many times he can break my heart, nobody has ever made me feel the way Jordan does. I’m listening to music right now, I like to do that as I blog and Dare You to Move just came on. It doesn’t matter when or where every time it comes on the radio it freezes me where I am and has me thinking about my own life more closely. It sends these amazing chills in my heart and tells me that with Switchfoot anything is possible. Here’s to the Night was playing before that and these songs have helped me remember how much I LOVE MUSIC! I seriously love this song. It sends god’s message to me and helps me feel his will for my life. I NEED TO MOVE in order to make less stress for myself.

It has been a crazy couple of days. I was at a bonfire on Friday for a friend and found out another girl I went to high school with just had a baby. It makes me think about the future with confusion and fear. I am having trouble staying in love when I am so afraid of falling apart. I know I am putting all of my efforts into keeping my relationship alive. Yet I’m the one that seems to be crying. I’m not asking for too much and yet I’m not good enough. I’m getting tired of typing and have been blabbering on for long enough. See you next Saturday!