Still Chasing Something

I had the worst night of sleep yesterday night. Maybe it was because of my stubbornness or maybe because I know in my heart that I have every right to be concerned about things. I’m not a horrible person that loves to point out people’s flaws despite how some people may feel. Maybe I’m not very forgiving as much of a Christian girl I claim to be. I am tired of wishing for someone to think of me before themselves. I hate being broken hearted; is it just me or am I the one that gives more than I receive? I break my back for people so I can be the sweet person I know god wants me to be. Am I wrong for wanting someone to remember? I think it dates back to promises that were never kept and things that I felt I missed out on because of situations similar to this.

I am thankful for everything that he has done for me and I never want to make him felt like that isn’t enough. All I want is punctuality to be there when he says he is going to be there. To do things when he says he is going to do them. Is that too much to ask? I would drop what I’m doing for him and sometimes I wonder if he would really do the same for without complaining or making me feel guilty about it later. It is kind of hurtful to be in love with someone who can say what he means. The other issue is the interruptions; like my words to mean enough to him to listen to. That he would rather listen to himself speak than me. To be extremely honest it pisses me of to the core. That he can’t take responsibility for how much he hurts me sometimes. Whatever I am thinking about Miley Cyrus’s song ‘7 Things.’

I have been struggling with my faith for a little while now. I finally got in back yesterday and I am listening to some Audio Adrenaline. I think I need to have a heart to heart with god today. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to get to see said boy. I hate trying to fall asleep when I’m mad at him. I began to wonder why. It is because I don’t want to have any regrets. I don’t want to say something that might be the last thing he hears.

I wonder if he’ll even know to look at my blogs without me telling him? Maybe it is like the Rooney song ‘Daisy Duke’ “You don’t me that well, I think you know that now?” I just wish he would try cause if he really knew me than maybe he would think twice about decisions that may hurt me? I don’t know I’m just venting. Probably half of this stuff will be forgotten I just REALLY needed to blog. I should go though, I have homework.