Everything Has Changed

I am not a heart breaker; I promise. I try to live my life with all the grace and beauty of the old fashioned girls I look up to. However I think despite the best intentions we break people. We hurt people. I was hurt badly before and I fear that I might have done that to someone else.  I've struggled with this for about a week now, I am also realizing that if I had not broken the heart now, I might have broken it worse later.

I try my hardest not to be selfish, but I also realize that my dreams are what inspire me to be the best person I can be. The truth is that did fall in love. I meant all the words I said. I honestly thought I had found someone that was every definition of perfection. I guess I just didn't understand what kind of love it was. So reccently I just had a change of heart. Maybe it is the New Year, maybe it is 2013 being whimsical, or maybe it is God leading me towards destiny? I'm not exactly one-hundred percent sure at this point, but I do know that as of now I am a single girl.

Sometimes in our lives we meet people that take our breath away. No matter what we do or how we try to avoid the feelings; they never really go away. Maybe we meet the right people at the wrong times? We move on with our lives, meet people that help us learn to love again and yet when the right time finally arrives we are faced with enormously difficult decisions. We find that we must follow our hearts and jump bravely into the unknown. I made one of the hardest choices in my life. I chose uncertainty over stability. All for the sake of feelings.

I'm not sure what is going to happen, but I can say that I met a boy quite awhile ago that I never really forgot. He was the “fun guy” from July. He is the one that just needed a little more time. Somehow despite all of my denial he became the one that stole my heart, without me looking. About a week ago a mutual friend of ours got married. After the dancing was over on the ride home he finally made a confession. That I was the girl he wanted. He didn't want to screw things up for me, but that he would regret if he hadn't said anything. Is 2013 the year of fantasy land? Do I finally get to live there for a while? All of sudden my world went on a tilt. I had someone in my life that treated me better than I could have ever imagined. However with one simple confession there was something I had wanted for such a long time. Right in front of me I felt like God was leading me towards this.  I think all along God knew that this would make me happy. I'm not really sure, but I think that life should be about the fun and mystery of things. It is about being so scared and yet believing in something so greatly. I think this was the best lesson I've learned in faith. Every single day is a blessing and you get to share it with good people.

It is getting late, so I think I will leave the rest of things for another time. I may be single now, but not for too much longer. This boy wants to “keep me” and I'm looking forward to that.

Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran's Duet jingles through my head tonight.

“I just want to know you better know you better know you better now
I just want to know you know you know you

Cause all I know is we said hello
And your eyes look like coming home
All I know is a simple name, everything has changed.”

Good Night