Have you ever listened closely to the sounds of nature or watched the sun set over the lake? If you haven't then I highly recommend it. Today at Camp it is the Vow Of Silence. I am a very talkative person so I assumed that this would be extremely difficult for me.
I am happy to report that I actually enjoy this. I cannot remember the last time I unplugged everything and let myself get closer to the important things. Things like my relationship with God and my own personal feelings.
I started by peacefully reading and moved on to writing a letter to god in my journal.
Next I went onto the beach to read some more until I became distracted by the amazing sunset. The vast color and the way it made the water look on the lake was unbelievably humbling.
I went to the silent campfire and felt god was calling me to read Solomon. So I ate and read until I finished both in the dining hall.
At camp we have been talking about funnel prayers, here is my example from campfire:
Dear God,
Please Help Japan and Hati
Please help our nation
Please bless the kids and allow us to work inside of their hearts
Please bless me in my struggles, my confusion, and broken heart.
One of these prayers was about a certain situation. I've met someone at camp and he happens to be male. Now I was NOT looking for something this summer. I told myself that this summer was about healing after last summer. Not about searching around for a suitor. However I can't stop myself from feeling the way I do. I've been through so much in my life and especially in this past year alone. I know I need to make sure that this isn't just a quick rush of heart with no sense behind it.
Solomon was saying in section 5 verse 8:
“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you do not arose or awaken love until it so desires.”
Are these feeling sent for this specific young man sent from Heaven. Is god showing me that there are attainable godly men out there and that it is ok to fall in love again. I don't want to be searching for something that isn't there? I honestly don't know if I want to search at all anymore. I pray god will give the clarity I need. I feel good though, like this amazingly safe feeling. I didn't think I would feel this way after the massacre Jordan left of my heart, however for the first time he isn't the first man I think of in the morning. That man is Jesus, seconded by two new guys. My heart is fluttering for this boy tonight.
This one in particular is so different from me, but I kind of like that. He is the kind of person that I want to be with. There are obvious differences also and these scare me as well. I like the way he challenges me and allows me to have important godly discussions. I like the way he is nerdy and silly. That he respects me. I've missed that the most in the past few months. I guess I'm trying to see if god wants me to replaced Nate or replace Jordan. I need to pray more and god will give me the light I need to see soon.
Well this has been long enough.
Good Night Silent Campers!
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