A Freezing Winter Update

I apologize for not updating sooner, but it has been kind of a chaotic few weeks. I promise and I’m also sorry that this will not be a lengthy entry. It has been a long day, I have a sore throat and my body is drained from the exhaustion of today.
I’m not sure why I’ve recently had an inability to write? Maybe it is writer’s block or maybe it is just the cold winter weather leaving my mind in a frozen daze? Maybe it is just one of those months for me?

It is like J.D. Salinger wrote once:

“I'm just going through a phase right now. Everybody goes through phases and all, don't they?”

Let us talk about the highlight and low light of January and maybe that will be enough to update you.

Highlight:
I went on another date with someone, the same someone from December. There is a part of me that is drawn towards him because he is everything opposite from what I’ve wanted before. There is also another part of me that is scared because of this. Without going into too much detail, we went to a movie (which was bad), but the date itself was good. I feel myself trusting him in the “lets get to know each other” sort of way. It is funny because I can talk to him on Facebook for hours at a time, but when I meet him I find myself thrown back into eighth grade. I feel stupid and awkward like the fourteen year old weirdo I used to be. I hope this is a good sign? I like him. Now let us not get ahead of ourselves not in the I LIKE YOU sort of way, but as a person he seems nice. I am excited to get to know him more and possibly get to like him even more. Who knows, but I’m not really expecting much, but enjoying the ride. I think when you keep your expectations lower people can surprise you. There is something about him that is endearing and makes me feel safe. There is a part of me that feels so fearless around him. I don’t know, but after the last year of my life I’m ready to be treated the way this guy wants to treat me. What do I really have to lose? He can’t do anything worse than what has already been done, you know?

Lowlight:
My grandfather passed away last Saturday. Today has been long because of all the funeral stuff today. Mingling with people and being asked a zillion questions when you can barely speak is a little draining. I am sad about my grandfather’s passing, but I know that he is in a better place. I don’t want to remember him as the guy who could barely speak in a wheel chair, but the man that I used to visit and give my colored pencils. It is funny how the little memories come back. My grandfather wasn’t around much throughout my teenage years and that really affected me. He didn’t come to my graduation party or any of the important things that I could remember him for. To me he was always a stranger and I feel sadder about that than about his passing. I wish he would have gotten to know me when the times counted. I was his only granddaughter and no amount of cards or awkward phone calls can replace that interaction. The last time I saw him I had no idea how to act. He could speak to me and I don’t know if he would have been able to relate to me if he could? I don’t hold resentment or anger, just confusion. However the past can not be rewritten and all we have in the future.

I should get some sleep though. Good night folks.