The Future Starts With Goodbye

When I was a senior in high school I remember knowing exactly who I was and what kind of person I wanted to end up with. I knew the traits I wanted in a man. With the recent demise of my first serious relationship and the one in which I first fell in love I decided to look at this blog again. http://chocolatedreams-mochamint19.blogspot.com/2007/04/guy-you-wont-find-online.html

As I read the blog from an eighteen-year-old I began to see how different I was from most of the people my age and even people that are this age now. I see what an old soul I’ve always been. I also began to see that my ex-boyfriend (seems weird, but it has only been a week) had a lot of potential to be that kind of man, but always lacked the drive or maturity.

So I realize that instead of dwelling on the man he could never be I should make a revised list of the man I look forward to finding eventually.

WARNING YOU STILL MAY NOT FIT:

I’m still not going to find a man on Myspace (I don’t even use it anymore and I highly doubt grown men do either) I want a man that is close to god and will help me in my struggles with my faith. Not only my faith in god, but the faith I seem to lose in myself. I want a man that is still a virgin. I know this is like find a needle in a giant haystack, but I really don’t feel like being compared to some other girl before me. I don’t want to be in a competition with someone I’ve never met. I want a man that can think about the consequences of his actions and how they might effect the people he loves. I want a man that will be faithful to me. A man that doesn’t need to ‘test the waters’ with others to remind him that I am the one for him. I want a man with a big family. Lots of brothers and sisters because I feel this allows people to learn to share and to care about others. I want a man with a big family that will embrace me and make me feel loved also. A man with a family that will protect me and care about my struggles. I remember being eighteen and wanting to find a boy that played guitar. Now that I’ve found him as well as lost him I realize that guitars are great, but I’m more of a piano girl. I want a piano man. I’ve always loved piano driven rock and love songs that echo in the soul. A man that composes soft lullabies for me and any children we may have. I want someone that will sing outside of my window with pebbles, yeah I know this may be a stretch, but I girl can still dream. I want a man that knows what he has and doesn’t gamble with losing it. I want a clean man that doesn’t smoke or use drugs. Someday I will find a man that doesn’t need to drink too much either; a man that I don’t have to clean up after. I want a man that wants to take me out, but doesn’t mind staying in. I want someone that makes me feel beautiful no matter how I may look. A man that finds me sexy in a tank top and PJ pants. I want a man that won’t break me apart when we have disagreements. A man that I can maturely work out problems with and that will listen to me. I want a man that I don’t have to heatedly argue with, but just we can just agree to disagree. I want a man that can stick up for the woman he loves. I will find a real man that will protect me. A man that will think for himself even when his friends tell him I’m no good. I man that is brave enough to commit to me and fall so deeply in love with me that I don’t have to question his love. I want the type of man that doesn’t lie to me and that is courageous enough to tell me the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it is a lot better than being betrayed by a lie. The man that will help my stress melt away and help me to not sweat the small stuff. I want the man that can tell me it will be ok and I can actually believe him. I still want compilations of the type of guy like that one in the first blog just an older, wiser, more mature and revised version. He won’t be a guy, but a real man. Because even though my heart is a little bruised and broken I know I deserve that.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not looking for one right away. I was very much in love with my last relationship, but I understand that you can’t hold on forever. Especially after someone cheats on you. It was three years of my life that I can’t just throw away. I will repeat I’m not throwing them away, just realizing that I can’t change anything and it is time to grow up. I think this is the time for me to focus on what type of woman I am after three years. However one day I will find the man I was always suppose to be with and I look forward to it. The type of man I described.

“I guess its gonna to have to hurt. I guess I’m going to have to cry. And let go of some things I’ve loved to get to the other side. I guess its gonna break me down. Like falling when you’re trying to fly.

It’s sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, starts with goodbye.”
–Carrie Underwood