Fight Like A Girl

It is kind of funny when you look at the world as a little girl. It is a much simpler time in which everyone likes each other without cause or reason. I don’t think I understand why this changes?

You know I’ve always tried to be a sweet girl. Dripping with honey I’ve always wanted to be someone that people will not only remember and enjoy, but a girl that is respected. I know I am a girl that I am proud of. The ironic thing is that it is really difficult to have both. Most of the time it sure doesn’t feel like that same thing. In the end I have certainty that I am one of the sweetest people you could meet. I’ve also realized in growing up that the world is not as sweet. I do everything I can to stand up for myself in the unsweetened parts of life.

Sure I get upset, I’m only human. Maybe the world of harshness has changed me a little? Perhaps my eyes have been open to the cruelty and I try my hardest not to follow in those footsteps. I know I’ve self taught myself how to not become weak. As a young woman in the twenty first century I’ve had to teach myself how to not let boy treat me badly. In 2006 (A time in which only few people know about) I stopped being nice little Brianna who let people tap into her kindness and step all over her. I grew up that year to be a newer Brianna, just a little more careful. In reality I grew some balls! I became more assertive and I became a whole person. My wit in words was found also. That year I broke my own heart and in that moment I received a huge gift. The ability to take the most terrible circumstances in my life and put them in elegantly written statements. I gained the gift of fearlessness in words; it is one that I use well.

These days someone can be extremely mean to me and at the drop of a hat I will be at his or her throats with an angry comment or cuss word. However I know how to use this gift wisely too. Most of the thing stay in my head or if I’m feeling extremely generous get put honestly on this blog. I love the ability to put my raw beautiful acceptance and denial of the world on a blog that is mine. How many people are brave enough to do that?

As you read from the previous blog my best friend “whom I love with all my heart” got her heart smashed by a naïve and hurtful boy. I listened to hours upon hours of her painful pleas. I don’t deserve a medal or anything, but it angers me that he can’t see from my example that this is what true love is. I would do again in a heartbeat (not that I ever want to) because it helped her realized what she wanted. She finally got another chapter with Cole. I’m extremely happy for her and I hope that this time he can see what a blessing he was given. I hope he doesn’t take her for granted like last time. This is exactly what she wanted and I am proud that she was brave enough to go get it. I know she is fully capable of making her own destiny. I’m a good person because I give her options and support her no matter what she does. I may not agree with some of her decisions (this not included), but I trust in her because has never given me a reason why I shouldn’t.

Her boyfriend on the other hand needs a wake up call. He can’t blame other people anymore for his mistakes. The amusing thing about the world is that before this I considered us pretty good friends. Whenever Amanda had a problem with Cole or feelings of uncertainty I always tried to help his situation while still agreeing with Amanda. I had many open conversations with him whether at the park or on a car ride home I enjoyed them and I thought he did also. How foolish was I? Apparently he doesn’t like me? Sad, because I had no clue how fake he was. This isn’t a vendetta against him so I apologize if it seems that way. I just want to let him know that I’m not going anywhere. I am Amanda’s best friend and I’m dating his best friend. I will be pleasant and sweet to him without cause or reason. I have a really good heart and I believe in forgiveness. I know that all people should be treated equally no matter what mistakes they make. I am just tired of being tricked by people. So for the sake of my own fate I’m just going to not do anything regarding Cole. I’m not going be a bitch to him. I am just going to live my life because honestly what he says is not going to effect my life. Since I know karma has a great way of coming back to the people who betray it. So…

• I’m not going to sit around in my room going ‘poor me why doesn’t Cole like me?’
• I’m not going to go up to him and be like ‘OMG you are such a loser!'
• I’m not going to foolish believe that we were once friends.
• I’m not going to assume we ever will.
  What I am going to do is remember that life will go on and his opinion really doesn’t matter.

I’m still going to be Brianna, I’m still going to love people, people like Jordan and I’m still going to fight like a girl. I feel immensely proud of myself in this moment.

“Hold your head high. Don’t ever let ‘em define, the light in your eyes. Love yourself, give them hell. You can take on this world; just stand and be strong. And Fight Like A Girl.”