(The picture is not mine and I want to thank soks2626 for making a hilarious comic about fears. No matter how funny.) 
I live in an interesting world, a world where fear is an amusing thing. Even at twenty-one I can admit that I have fears. There are the common fears, the ridiculous ones, and the secret hidden fears that sometimes take over my mind. So here is a blog devoted to my fears.
The common ones:
I am afraid of death. I think this is fairly common one considering that everyone in the world is afraid of death and if they say otherwise they are lying. I’m afraid not only of my own demise, but a death of a loved one too soon. I’m afraid that one time Jordan, Amanda, my parents, or my brother will leave and never come back. I’m afraid of dead bugs and murderers. I am a girl who is afraid of normal fears like being too high and falling off high points. It doesn’t take over my life and I know how to handle myself around these fears. Even if they are the more ridiculous fears of mine.
I am afraid of death. I think this is fairly common one considering that everyone in the world is afraid of death and if they say otherwise they are lying. I’m afraid not only of my own demise, but a death of a loved one too soon. I’m afraid that one time Jordan, Amanda, my parents, or my brother will leave and never come back. I’m afraid of dead bugs and murderers. I am a girl who is afraid of normal fears like being too high and falling off high points. It doesn’t take over my life and I know how to handle myself around these fears. Even if they are the more ridiculous fears of mine.
The ridiculous one:
I am afraid of escalators. I know doesn’t that sound silly? I don’t know if I’m afraid of falling off them or getting my foot caught in between the spaces, but I’m certain it is probably both. I am cautious about getting on them and people make fun of me, but I guess it is what makes me who I am. The latest Final Destination movie did not help my fear and I sometimes wonder if the people who write those movies tap into my brain because it is not the only fear they have cinematically visualized for me. I am also very scared of Roller Coasters. I hate the speed and lack of control. I fear that the cars with crash or the track will collapse. I hate rides like roller coasters also for the same reason. I don’t usually go to Valley Fair that often for that very reason. I fear tornadoes and the deadly power they have. I do live in the Midwest and I fear I won’t be prepared when one hits.
I am afraid of escalators. I know doesn’t that sound silly? I don’t know if I’m afraid of falling off them or getting my foot caught in between the spaces, but I’m certain it is probably both. I am cautious about getting on them and people make fun of me, but I guess it is what makes me who I am. The latest Final Destination movie did not help my fear and I sometimes wonder if the people who write those movies tap into my brain because it is not the only fear they have cinematically visualized for me. I am also very scared of Roller Coasters. I hate the speed and lack of control. I fear that the cars with crash or the track will collapse. I hate rides like roller coasters also for the same reason. I don’t usually go to Valley Fair that often for that very reason. I fear tornadoes and the deadly power they have. I do live in the Midwest and I fear I won’t be prepared when one hits.
Now for the Big Ones: The important ones: The Hidden Fears:
My boyfriend of three years has left on a huge road trip. While I am so excited for him and know he is having a great time at the Bonaroo Music Festival. He will listen to music and have his dreams come true I am sure. My fear is that like I stated before that he left and he won’t be back. I know that nothing will happen. That the likelihood of the boys getting into an accident is slim to none, but fearful hearts like mine worry. I think this stems from a lonely heart tonight. The truth about Jordan leaving in only a few short months for college. I know he isn’t leaving for war or anything, but still he is leaving. Who knows what will happen? The uncertainty about life has always been a big fear of mine and one I try to keep hidden. I fear that Jordan will make negative choices and that his heart may wander. It is just my insecurities I’m sure. I need to continue to remember how much he loves me. Maybe I’m afraid of being left behind as just a distant memory. I’m afraid that he will never love me as much as I love him. I fear that he will never step up to the plate and be the man I need him to be. That he won’t be able to protect me from the fears I have. I don’t want to fear these things, but they just happen to fall into my mind. I just need to have faith.
My boyfriend of three years has left on a huge road trip. While I am so excited for him and know he is having a great time at the Bonaroo Music Festival. He will listen to music and have his dreams come true I am sure. My fear is that like I stated before that he left and he won’t be back. I know that nothing will happen. That the likelihood of the boys getting into an accident is slim to none, but fearful hearts like mine worry. I think this stems from a lonely heart tonight. The truth about Jordan leaving in only a few short months for college. I know he isn’t leaving for war or anything, but still he is leaving. Who knows what will happen? The uncertainty about life has always been a big fear of mine and one I try to keep hidden. I fear that Jordan will make negative choices and that his heart may wander. It is just my insecurities I’m sure. I need to continue to remember how much he loves me. Maybe I’m afraid of being left behind as just a distant memory. I’m afraid that he will never love me as much as I love him. I fear that he will never step up to the plate and be the man I need him to be. That he won’t be able to protect me from the fears I have. I don’t want to fear these things, but they just happen to fall into my mind. I just need to have faith.
Last Tuesday I was blessed to see the season finale of Glee for the year. The whole episode is about the journey. They went through the whole clubs journey to regionals. They did a beautiful Journey medley for the final performance that changed the world, as I know it. So it is only fitting that their version of Journey’s Faithfully is what I can’t stop listening to. I love the song and how it is helping me get through my time apart from Jordan (now and in the future). It is such a beautiful song about loving someone who is apart from you. I have a certain feeling that this song will be my anthem for the next year and the years to come. I hope Jordan is doing well watching Weezer and having fun.
I can’t wait to see him as I sit here and wait for him Faithfully.
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