I cried myself to sleep last night. Why? Because I lost something very important to me, I lost a sense of safe reality yesterday. I learned that life is far from perfect and the one person you thought would never let you down eventually will. This morning I woke up with a deep feeling of depression. I was the girl who was once again lied to. The girl people just expect to sit there and take it like as if it really doesn’t hurt me. Why I am always the girl people want to lie to? Why am I not worthy enough to be told the truth? It makes me feels stupid because I believe the lies being told to me. I realized that maybe all people do is lie. I thought this time I held all the right cards, but who was I kidding? Is there any truth in life anymore? Can people really be trusted? So I sit here on a school computer trying to keep from crying again. I’m trying to understand what to believe and what not to believe. What is true and what is being told to me to supposedly “protect me.” I asked simple questions and I expected truthful answers; was that too much to ask? It is one thing to lie to someone it is hurtful, it is another to lie continually which can be devastating, but it is a far worse thing to look someone in the eyes and lie to them. That hurt more than anything ever has or has ever hurt before. I asked if there was ever a time would they lie to protect me? They told me no when the apparently the answer was yes. I asked if ever their activities would less than honorable. They told me no when the answer was yes. What does yes mean anymore, what does no mean? I guess people really don’t play the rules do they. I am so lost right now. This is just a short painful blog trying to make sense of things, trying to “process” things. I’m just sorry I was so easy to lie to.
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