My God It's So Beautiful When The Boy Smiles

I have a true love of music. The way I listen to my music is by traveling in it. It is like being in a tunnel of confusion of every day life. Latley it is the cute boy I am conversing with and the mysterious way he talks to me. Like all the answers I need are in puzzles that I need to figure out before anything gets further. My songs most of the time, I get lost in them, listening to them and then trying to find a way out. By the end I am either more confused or I have figured out what I need. Last summer sucked, I was strung along, I always had this yucky feeling and I was so unhappy. This summer I have been able to truly smile and cry, to maybe take a risk. I am still afraid and I'm very guarded. I want to be logical and practical, to follow all the rules and maybe get the guy this time. I want to fall, andI want to be caught like a butterfly. I WANT TO BE A GIRL AGAIN! To be able put every ounce of myself out there, I want to be able to trust someone again. Have I ever really been able to do that? I Don't Want to Play Games Anymore wondering whether I am doing things right or wrong! I want to lay my cards on the table, to watch myself win at this game called teenage romance. I want a mature and thoughtful relationship, even if it starts as a great friendship and is a slow paced thing. I want to know that all this time invested is going towards something good. I want god to lead me towards something good. I want to quit getting 'lost' about boys. More importantly one boy, thee boy.
Is he for me?