High Hopes, Low Ropes and More...

Hello Blog Friends, It is late again. I tried to write a blog after last weekends business, but got it written and found it wasn't really what I wanted to say. The high hopes part of this blog is about last weekend. Last weekend on Saturday I went to a wedding. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was remarkable, but I felt myself disapointed because we had to leave so soon after the reception started. It was a bummer, but it wasn't like anyone was dancing with me. I had so many exciting hopes for this weekend, it was suppose to be grand. Then I went on Sunday to my cousin's baby shower, now this is itself was suppose to be so amazing, but ended up showing me reasons why I cannont trust people. My own cousin turned her back on me and treated me like a leper. After all that I had done for her, all the secrets kept and I was thrown away like an old tissue. This is where the low ropes portion of this blog comes from. I have lowered my expectations of this person and forgotten what it was like not to be fighting with her. It is like a cold war I never even knew I was a part of. It seems that is the feeling of this end of 2006, the feeling of just being tossed away like you never mattered. But that is ok, because I do matter to someone, I just haven't met him yet, but he's out there. This week as given me faith in that. Maybe I wait to write blogs when I am most emotion filled because I know that I write some of the most honest material. Why do I share my deepest thoughts with a computer, to people I have never met and people I have talked to only once. Am I so desperate in the world of Myspace and Xangas that I cannot bare to actually tell someone how I really feel, but wait, this is the world I can know and liberate myself. I don't feel scared anymore, I used to, I was afraid of what people thought. I lost that perception of life. After everything, all the disapointment, and pain, I have never felt closer to god. I know that is what both he and I wanted for my life. God wants me to be happy and he know what lies in my heart of hearts and he wants that for me. That is why everything seems fricked up right now, because god wants me to truly feel faith.Look it straight and say, I need you. A good friend of mine has always been on the downside of things, her and I have had our share of those things, but we have stuck together through it all. She is the most deserving person and she finally got her wish. If that doesn't make you believe in god, what will. It makes me believe that my wish will come true too. I am the only me there will ever be, and I want someone who likes me now, and not later. I want someone who can help me "learn to breathe." I don't want just any guy that fits nicely into a special category, I want the 'right' guy. I haven't met him yet, it is only high school.