Back In The Game Again

It is late, but so astoundingly beautiful here in chocolate world tonight. There is a soundtrack of music blasting through my headphones. I'm content, but I also wish I were somewhere else. It may be late, but yet if you have known anything about me over the years of reading, you'd know this is when I've done some of my most honest and raw writing.

The last five years of my life have been nothing short of a little f*d up. Between a boyfriend that cheated on me to another situation I don't have the words nor the mindset to explain I've some how found myself to be relatively normal.

Tonight I'm happy. I don't know if I've really felt like this in awhile. Yes, I've been happy, but tonight I finally feel like myself again. That 19 year old girl that felt so much promise and excitement for the world. I may not be 19 anymore, but I do feel that inspired passion again.

I promise you that I do not need a boy in my life to determine my happiness or effect my mood, however I am truly in love. That my dear friends in a whole other feeling and mood in itself. I never knew what true love was until I met this one. All the things that used to irritate me in other relationships don't happen with Alex. Sure we have our tiffs and disagreements, but no relationship is perfect. Yet in all of the imperfections I find strength to find solutions to make it better. I have someone that calmly works through my past with me. I truly have the sense of doing everything for the good of our relationship. I've learned that what he needs and what we need far outweighs my stubborn need to be right. He breaks my heart a little sometimes, as do I to him, but I think we find truth in those moments.

Now I'm also not one of those girls that gets this boyfriend and then blabbers on about him carelessly. This blog is not necessarily about my relationship update, but also an update on myself as well. This entry is about how I'm finally finding the inspiration again. I don't think I've thought about cake design and dessert theory seriously since I was maybe 20 years old. I'm about to be 25 this year and so you can see the vast way the last five years have effected me. It has really been a journey. In losing myself and in finding myself. With God's help I know I'm back to the girl I used to be. The one fresh into Culinary school that would doodle on any piece of paper all of her ideas and flavor combinations.

I'm thankful for Alex being brought into my life, because he saved me from making a really crucial mistake. It is nice to have a man that encourages this part of me. I know that I'm not working alone. That I finally have a partner that will give me mature and creative criticism. The other artistic soul that awakens mine. No more scared little boys, afraid of settling down. No more confusion. Just one young man that adores me and loves me just as I am. One that reminds me that maybe one day I might get my “Bostonian” dream. That boy that will eat my cake, one I can sit in on rainy nights with. Alex may not be everything I wrote wanting at 18 or even 23, but he is the man I needed. Life may not be easy, but with us together against the world, anything is possible.

Isn't that what I've been looking for all along, what I've been restless for? I hope one day all you lonely souls that read this find the story here. The one about a broken 17 year old, who met a boy, who thought she feel in love at 19, was bruised and forgotten during her early 20s, built herself back up at 23, found herself at 24. That no matter how hard things might seem at the time, there is always something better ahead. Maybe Switchfoot was right. 24 is an important year.

Maybe I kind of blabbered on a little, but it has been awhile.

Good Night Blogger Friends.