A Thousand Years

The day we met,
Frozen I held my breath
Right from the start
I knew that I'd found a home for my heart...
...beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone?
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

I apologize that it takes me so long to update, believe me when I say that I've written this entry so many times over, but have a major lack the time because of work. You see when I listen to both parts of this Christina Perri song it brings me back to a feeling. A feeling that needs to be shared in a specific and special way. When I listen to this song it brings me back to a once in a lifetime moment. A day that I will not soon forget or take for granted.

I find myself tonight almost two weeks from the epic finale of a saga so many years in the making. I was blessed enough to get to travel throughout the whole saga journey one day in a movie theater. From the humble beginning to the enchanting finale it was a marathon for the ages. It not only made me grateful for the opportunity, but also brought me back to memories I thought had been long forgotten.

When I think of Twilight I am thrown back to the year I turned twenty. To an intern tired and frustrated. To a time when my only escape was to travel to a new world. I remember borrowing and reading book after book from Lauren. I remember us screaming at the top of my lungs that we had our Twilight movie tickets. I remember the premiere and sitting in a theater excitedly waiting for the beginning. As I sat watching this movie before the finale during the marathon I thought back on the girl I used to be. The girl before betrayal and pain hit her. I remembered the first time I read the first Twilight book. That compelling way that Stephanie Meyer's wrote that captured me in and never let me go.

I remember reading New Moon. I remember the depression and the realization that even the heroes leave the people they love behind. It was not only the beginning of the end of my own love story, but it was the most truthful thing in this fantasy world. That sometimes people leave. As I watched it for the numberless time two weeks ago something different struck me. That sometimes your best friend is the one that keeps you standing. That New Moon wasn't boring, just the more tragic part of the story. Without this little amount of pain there would be no healing.There would be no happy ending.

Remember ladies that you can never fight with an eclipse. That at times you will be torn to the fraying points. However if you take a deep breath and you let life lead you. You might find that the sun is waiting on the other side. Eclipse is my best friend Amanda's favorite book, because she loved the story for its intensity. She loved it because of the epic fight and the love triangle. I loved reading Eclipse for its confusion. It is a reminder that we don't always have the right answers. It takes something far beyond ourselves to realize that this is just life and it is how we deal with it that gets us our victories. It is funny how different our lives have gone since we sat in that movie theater one June night. Amanda is married now, not to the boy she was with at the time, but a man far better for her. I am no longer a part of the eclipsing relationship that shadowed my spirit. As I watched Eclipse two and half years later I felt that I was not as confused as I was at twenty one. I see that there was an Eclipse in the movie theater this time as well. That I was finally able to share this love of Forks with someone who understood it just like I did. Someone who loves me for my passion in this.

Breaking Dawn is by far my favorite book in the whole Twilight Saga. This large book so overwhelming, I was able to read in exactly one week. I remember Breaking Dawn as a metaphor of leaving old things behind and finding wonderful new ones. It is about shedding that old skin and renewing into a new skin. That has never changed. I remember Bella explain intimacy in a way I was never able to explain to people. In a way that made more sense than I could ever have made. I loved the idea that this rather plain, slightly simple girl could grow up into such a strong individual. She had faced death so many times and yet when she was certain of its impending arrival she didn't blink or bat an eye. It was amazing to see how much she evolved throughout the whole saga, but it was truly magical to see her progression throughout Breaking Dawn in particular. Part 1 and 2 of the film were exactly how I pictured they would be. The first set up the love story and the truths about marriage. it was about doing anything for the one you loved, about putting your child above all else. That is by far the strongest I have ever seen Bella throughout the entire saga. She loved Edward so much, but kept her backbone. Making decision for herself and her baby. These last two films were empowering for me because I went to see them alone. Not because I'm antisocial, but because I wanted to be the new Bella. The one that didn't need Edward to save her, because it was her turn to save him. Getting to see the marathon and watch these two films side by side was fantastic. I love the detail that the directors and actors followed. I enjoyed the twist at the end of part 2. I won't talk too much about it because I'm sure some of you have been busy and haven't seen either yet.

I don't want to spoil anything, but if you haven't read the last moments of Breaking Dawn (or haven't seen the film) too bad because you've had four years. Don't' worry it is a rather subtle, yet beautiful part. However as part 2 of Christina Perri's song played over Bella's memories for Edward to see her mind; I felt this really captured the tone of the end. I tear up even now a little listening to it. I guess I always knew the end was coming. It is like saying goodbye to old friends you know you won't see in a long while. I know people like to make fun of Kristen Stewart or talk about Rob's poor hygiene, but to me when they are Bella and Edward those stupid things don't really matter. They were Twilight, they were part of some amazing saga that will never come again. I'm able to look past their human qualities and see them as two wonderful characters.

During the last part of the movie they played the song as every last person was shown. Like a final curtain call it showed that everyone is saying goodbye. That this story is over. As I am a little sad that I don't get to camp out for the premieres anymore. That I'm letting go of four years worth of memories. I love that this story has a happy ending. And whenever I feel a little homesick for Folks I can always open a book or put in a DVD. Plus there are still three Hunger Games movies and believe me, when those are over I'll be a bloody mess.

I also remember and like the fact that every last Twilight memory is time capsuled in other blog entries on my blog here. If you search through I'm sure you will find my initial reactions to this first time feelings for the books and films. I hope you enjoyed traveling back in time to the present with:

A silly Twenty Year Old Twilight Reader
A Twenty One Year Old Twihard
A Tragically Torn Apart Twenty One Year Old
A Grown Up Twenty Three Year Old Breaking Dawn watcher
and An Adult Twenty Four Year Old Twilight Fan saying Goodbye

Four Years I Will Never Forget. It has been Epic, Thank You Stephanie Meyer.