The Woman In Me

 

When I was eighteen I was a spunky young girl full of life. In that part of my life I had been searching unsuccessfully to find a boy that would love me. Back then I wrote a blog about what type of boy I wanted to fall in love with. It was after that I realized that maybe in order to find someone for me I needed to look at myself in the mirror and determine what kind of girl I was. Last year after a huge heartbreak I realized that the kind of person I want to fall in love with is different. It had been so long since I had known the girl I was at eighteen and I knew I needed to do a lot of soul searching to reintroduce myself to the young woman I had grown into. Maybe it is a the nostalgia or the fact that the young girl facing high school graduation has evolved and grown up. She has different priorities. So today I wish to share the girl that has grown into the woman in me.

I'm the woman that loves warm rainy nights in the Fall. Those crisp Autumn mornings filled with crunchy leaves and the smell of burning wood and bonfires. I love those days that give me dreams and the promises of warm lattes. I love those warm cups of cider and tea as I walk in the softness of the season. As I have grown up I've learned not only to appreciate this time of year, but the people I get to share it with. I've always loved good conversation, but as I've matured I value principles of loyalty and trust in every real relationship I have. I still believe that honesty being one of the most important principles of life. I try to be honest with myself. I'd like to believe that I've grown into trusting people, but if there is one lesson that life has taught me it is that trust is earned and won. That it also can be broken as quickly as the blink of an eye. I want to trust people and so I do, but the years have told me many reasons not to trust as flawlessly. As issues have grown into me I am happy to say that many wonderful things have as well. I love the idea of being low maintenance unless I'm going to a fancy event. It makes dressing up much more special when I don't do it all the time. Life changes a person, but some things never do. I still love to wear pretty dresses and I still long to stay in with junk food. These days I've embraced my inner Mary Jane finally. People such as Ingrid Michealson, Haley William, Emma Stone and Taylor Swift have inspired me to share my inner artist nerd. I love my band tees and converse shoes. If four and a half years have taught me anything it is that I should always share my deep passion for music. Not only does that mean on the immense songs on my iPod, but also into my wardrobe. I have learned not to be afraid to let loose the Spiderman loving, converse wearing, headbands, and pearls young woman I am. I love the nights filled with warm bubble baths and glasses of white wine, listening to silly love songs on my stereo. I have grown up to be that youthful spirit sweet and edgy inside the body of a woman. I'm not such a walking contradiction anymore because I realize there is no such thing. I'm a stone letting God wash away the dirt and grime life leaves behind. I've always been a Christian girl I've always believed in God's unfailing presence in my life. However I have been reborn into a Christian woman who believes in the loveliness of her savior and the way she is beloved to him. In God's grace I've established myself and I've gotten a backbone. It is because I've learned that my morals and views on life are not the easiest to follow for some, but they keep me safe. I've grown up to know that I never have to settle for second best and I never have to deal with stupid behavior. I've grown to be a little cynical, but I do still believe in hopeless fairy tales. I just know I need to aim for the realistic ones. I love to read books; when the world is a lost cause some days a good book is an escape that a woman like me needs. I still love to bake, I'm learning to cook more. As an adult I'm learning about good wine, take out and sushi as well. My quirks have made me the beautiful person I am today. I'm still the woman that dances around the living room. As a young woman she gains new interests as well. I love summers filled with sweet tea and lemonade. Hanging tye dye on a clothes line. I enjoy chai lattes the sweet and spicy taste makes me delightfully happy. I love sewing my own outfits and quilting. I'm the woman that adores Marc Jacobs Daisy perfume and wearing it with my pearls, polka dots, and Chanel stripes. I love the idea of 1950s housewives and pork roasts. I enjoy every vintage piece I can get my hands on. I love piano driven music filled with romantic lyrics. I'm the young woman that knows all too well of shattered hearts and unrequited love, but I keep going. I know that every heart breaking moment will be worth it in the end. That it will lead her to appreciate that wonderful young man someday even more. I'm the woman that loves hugs and the best come from my best friend. I'm the young woman that gets to watch as her best friend gets married and live happily ever after. This woman who has never felt too honored as a girl gets to be a maid of honor. I take strength and beauty from the little things. I've learned the greatness of Facebook and I no longer use Myspace as much. I also no longer have a Xanga. Some younger readers just thought “What is a Xanga” in there head. I apologize for that. I'm bits and pieces of that young girl, but now I am a young woman with new parts that get to join in to make a whole being. Some parts of the old me are still there, but some are gone. These are the parts that have been replaced by better things. I've grown to be more patient and to make all my moments count.

This is the woman in me.

Brianna Lyn 2011