Into the Rush Things Are So Small

Wow, it has been so crazy chaotic and I apologize subscribers for the lack of updates. It is so amazing how time just flies. How years rush by and we find that they are so differently wonderful. How one moment you can find yourself looking at this tiny baby and the next thing you know you blink; suddenly that little boy is walking/running. How one year you can find yourself extremely miserable, caught up in an emotional turntable of events. Another year another time you find yourself so utterly happy it makes your heart soar with indescribable feelings. How you can look into someone's eyes and be so scared that it takes your breath away. I have found that I look at people differently, I laugh more and this year has been more enjoyable. I am now more hopeful and so scared, knowing that maybe life is not how you plan it. How almost four months of a life just flies by. Carrie Underwood says it best "While you sit around thinking about what you can't change and worrying about all the wrong things time's flying by moving so fast you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back." Last year I worried about things that were "so small".

Lately I have just wanted to live, not worry so much, but in November I was kind of stressed out. I realized something over Thanksgiving though. I realized what it means to be truely grateful. To find yourself someone's longest commitment and be inspired to make yourself worth it. So sometimes we may not see eye to eye, what relationship is perfect like that? I like to talk to him when we don't agree because I learn what I need to make this a stronger relationship. I am starting to see that he will be there for me. I find that I have someone that cares enough about me to protect to me. One that will get me out of a situation that I didn’t want to be in, but accidentally put myself into. I have someone that holds me so close that I feel that heaven is on my side, that this is how life was suppose to go all along. That if I just let go, things will be exactly how I need them to be. So I was finally able to let go and trust someone. It is going to be freaking scary next year, but I have this strange comfort. That I don't need to worry.

I think I need that feeling going into this Christmas season. Comfort. I feel it rather strange that when I really assumed I was going to have this comforting, loving, family feeling last year, I didn't. Things happen when you least expect them to though. When you want something, you don't always get it right away. I understand why now. God wants to give it to you when you really need it. When it becomes worth the waiting and when you are more thankful for it. When they feel like small miracles and less like a selfish prayer. I wanted 2007 to rock and I think I got my wish. Maybe I didn't follow all of my resoultions and I guess the one resoultion that I didn't put on for the first time last year came true. It is a crazy and snowy part of the year the end of my favorite part of the year. A finale of sorts, one that makes me a little sad. Fortunatly though I know now it is the perception of years that make them rock, the events in our lives and how we we deal with them that make them memorable. It is the wishes and candy canes. The futures that people gain, the pasts people try and forget and the present we can never get back. So Into the Rush Now.