Maybe This Time?

I know it has been awhile since I have written an actual full heart-cleansing blog. However the things in my life have left me a little more than broken and bruised. I haven’t felt the compassion to write. There is a piece of me that still doesn’t know how to start, but I suppose I could just start confessing and maybe it will all come out eventually.

Let us start with the loss of a really good friend. Nobody died, but it still makes me sad. I know a few entries back I was talking about paths that we take. I think the topic of this blog is to talk about the companions or people that follow or leave you throughout your path winding journeys. I have learned from god that we go through stages of friends. They make us who we are as well as any decisions do.

In kindergarten you become friends with everyone. It doesn’t matter race or religion you love everyone the same intensity. Somewhere in the early years of childhood cliques and classes begin to take a part in how you stand in life (or as it seems to a fourth grader.) Somewhere between the beginning of middle school and the start of High school you lose the childish friends. You leave them behind realizing that you no longer have the same things in common. Whether they make negative decisions to your good ones or lose what made the friendship work. You learn to let those people go, because they aren’t leading you anywhere in life. In High school you learn who your true friends are and by the end you at least end up with a few really great ones that you can count on for anything. However after college you will lose even some of those. That is where my path is taking me right now. I think it is always hard to lose a friend you have put your trust in. With god though I know that I’ve done before and I will be able to do it again. I have no time for people that make me stress and treat me poorly. I have learned that the really good friend I thought I had was just an illusion maybe? I thought we were growing closer and instead we fell apart. It is just something that happens sometimes? In the end I got tired of being someone’s used tissue.

The second thing is sadder because I never thought the day would come. It has been almost two weeks and it still doesn’t seem real. I try to remember that nothing is 100% over. However my boyfriend and I decided to break up. Actually that isn’t true, I decided that I wanted to be treated better and that breaking up with him was the best way for him to understand this. I don’t have much more to say about this considering that I still am figuring it out myself. However maybe this I’ll be a winner! All the odds, oh their in my favor, something’s bound to begin!

I love Glee! When I’m down it musically brings me up. That is why I’m listening to some glee selections. Matt Morrison can really sing and bust a move. I’ll keep you posted on my relational issues later. I want to do some other things now. Sorry for such a boring blog tonight.

PS: Last, but never the least. I want to give a major shout out to my Best Friend and the best relationship I will ever have in my life. The longest relationship I will ever have. Amanda Monson you rock my sox! I love you more than the world will ever know. There is something special in the bond between two best friends that can never be replaced or reproduced. It’s you and me until the end of the world darling! We are going to be the crazy girls in the nursing home who will be yelling "YOU WANT HIM TO GIVE YOU A LAP DANCE!"