It is another late night of pondering again. I just finished watching an episode of Gilmore Girls and trying my hardest to beat Solitaire. Despite everything though I can’t help, but miss him. I know he is only fifteen minutes away, however I can’t help this stinging feeling in my heart. I know things won’t always be like this, but I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I am really down in the dumps right now. I have been for awhile. I don’t exactly know how to get out of this sad funk. Maybe I am coming down from a high of a weekend or maybe I am really desperately depressed? I really don’t care to find out. I am excited though and I need to keep believing that god will help me out. I need to keep that hope that god will never let me down. I am looking forward to Bible Study tomorrow. So maybe I will just say a prayer:
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Dearest God,
I am in a very low point right now. The world around me changes so very fast and I can’t help to feel suffocated by the sad moments in my life suddenly. Please keep my faith alive and remind me that things will be so much better someday soon. That if I am just patient and believe in all the holy things you can bring I won’t have to worry anymore. Keep me close to your heart in my deepest hour of desperation and strife. Allow me to have the things I need. Assist me in remembering what the pastor said last week at church. The thing about how sometimes setbacks are just God’s way of using your traits for something more. I don’t know how many more setbacks I can take. Show me what you want me to do god and I will do it. I’ll go where you send me and I will be your hands and feet. I am so confused though. I love you and I trust you. So help me with what my purpose is?
Amen.
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I look forward to the days when I will not have to worry anymore. Where money is just a tool for greed and love is what holds people together. I need to remember to feel lucky for the amazing things in my life. For instance I should feel lucky that god has blessed me with the most amazing man in my life. (I will share more about this in a blog tomorrow) I need to remember that god never will give me something he doesn’t think I can handle. My days won’t always be so sad and gray. One day I will wake up and it will be a sunny day. I will look back on the gray clouds behind me and look towards the white clouds ahead of me seeing only a happy future.
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