Remembering Sunday

I learned a few lesson today and already in the beginning of this month. April always seems to be the month of lessons, of blogs and feelings of deep thinking. I learned that Saturday night is alright for fighting and a good friend is almost impossible to find, yet I have found a truly amazing one in my twenty year lifetime.

Devestatingly broken sobbing and feeling so alone in my bed. Finding your dreams falling apart and learning that maybe you are just a silly girl lost in senior year. My ideas began to feel like sad thoughts of a happy senior girl and that maybe the guy in her thoughts won't ever exist. I also started to think of Taylor Swift and how she must feel at times. I started to agree with her that.

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell.
This isn't Hollywood
It's just a small town
I was a dreamer before
But you've let me down.

In deep depression and turmoil I made a few decisions. I don't want to cling anymore; cling to something that doesn't want to stick to me. Someone who doesn't want to cling to me. I am going to take a week and pretend that I am that girl from High School again because she made me so happy and I miss her.

An amazing friend however can turn your whole world a different way though. When it seems like the world is crumbling beneath your feet she is the one that keeps you grounded. Forgetting about the nerves and things she is worrying about. Dropping everything she possible can to listen to your angry vent attack. She gives you wise advice and talks you down from your emotional ledge. I don't know if I really give Amanda as much credit as she deserves sometimes. She is one of the best people in my life. I am happy she has found Mr. Special for herself because that is something she has always deserved.

So I am sitting here at another crossroad. I seem to be facing a lot of these nowadays. I'm so very sad and I don't want to be. I am also thinking about another song. One I wanted to share with bloggers earlier. It is Remember Sunday by All Time Low and it is the most amazing song I have heard in awhile.

It is one of those songs that is so beautifully tragic, how I feel now. I am not in this severe of trouble, but I understand the whole feeling of being broken. Of feeling so lost and hopeless that it breaks your heart. Here are the lyrics... it is the best way I can share with you.

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother, But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me

The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, whoever she may be

I'm not coming back (forgive me)
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak (I'm not calling, I'm not calling)
But you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just (You're driving me crazy, I'm)
Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousands of feet off the ground,
I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head

The whole song reminds me of how lost I feel and how broken I am. How one person can give you everything happy and so suddenly take it away. I don't want to demand things that I shouldn't have yet. I don't think I'm wrong, but maybe it isn't a matter of being right or wrong. Just being someone that goes along? To I become one of those dolls? A former shell of myself. I think I need to do that. I just need a week to think about it and decide if that is really in my best interest. I am not that girl, but maybe I need to be? I am tired and going to think some more. TTYL Blogger Friends!

PS:
HAPPY EASTER!