I'll Be 23

Today was one of those days that a person waits for. One anticipates its arrival, hopes for its best outcome, and wishes for the wisdom that comes from it. Then like a dying star it is gone into the darkened night sky. I am happy to say that today is my twenty-third birthday. It was a wonderful day and I loved it for everything it was.

This birthday was more important than most people would see on the surface. It signifies the end of a year of survival. It captures the final moments of fighting through a year of difficulty and embracing the wisdom I've gotten out of the ashes. I will never take any piece of the previous year for granted, but I am delighted to finally be able to move onto towards a new one. The beauty of Fall has always held so much hope for me. There is something fresh in the air, so crisp and cool. The weather today was perfect for a birthday. With every breath I was able to embrace the newness of twenty-three and let go of all the things that made twenty-two so tragic. The freedom in the air today just fueled my passion more. My passion for life, for my future, and for my dreams.

Sometimes we find ourselves lost....

"Amazing still it seems. I'll be 23; I won't always love what I'll never have, I won't always live in my regrets." - 23 (Jimmy Eat World)

Sometimes we fall in love with someone we can never have. However I do not regret falling in love with James. I just realized at twenty-three something I wasn't able to see at twenty-two. That although I love him, he won't be able to give me what I want. I want a love story, I want songs, I want passion. Today I went to go see One Day with Sara and it was amazing! I think it has became my new favorite movie. The movie gave me the reminder that you never know where and when true love will find you. I am content not to search, but I'm also not going to hide myself away in a tower. I'm embracing that anything is possible when it comes to matters of the heart. All summer I was asking God to speak to me and help me find the purpose in falling for James. Today I finally got it. The purpose was to open my heart again. That there are people that will make me feel safe again. It was to teach me to be open to all possibilities and that there are amazing guys out there that won't break my heart like before. The purpose was to teach me that it is ok to fall in love over and over again. It was to bring me closer to God. It is about heartbreaking forgiveness.

“She made you decent... and in return you made her so incredibly happy.” - One Day

I hope someday I will be able to find that person. I am so excited for my twenty-third year because it brings so many wonderful changes. This age brings wonderful wedding plans; watching my best friend become more and more happy in love every day. I love her and I'm glad she has found someone to spend her life with. She is my sister and I want what is best for her. Even when they disagree I think they bring out a lot of goodness in each other. There are so many things to look forward to with this special occasion that it already makes being twenty-three a beautiful year.

“23 now got his life in his hands. He's looking all around and he doesn't understand. Life's too busy, things get in the way, we all feel alone every single day.” - Wasted (Cartel)

I've learned so many lessons on self- reliance and that I'm never alone. Sometime in the business of life I get lonely wishing for someone to help, but today all those feelings just seemed less important.  I hope this year I can find clarity. I wish for happiness. I pray for peace and serenity.

I have so many plans for things I need to do, but I know with God I can acomplish them. Last year I said I would live my life in the name of love. This year I am going to live my life in the purpose of hope. For my Godly purpose. I want to give the world hope and continue to give my all to God.

This is my life verse for 23:

Jeremiah 29: 11 -12

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”

Good Night. Thank you for a Wonderful Birthday.