Can't You Just Adore Her?

"She likes chocolate in the morning' she drinks her coffee late at night. You can sense that she is guarded, but that's alright. She'll fall asleep while your still talking, with unfinished books beside her bed. She'll cancel all of her appointments and go shopping instead.

And in spite of what is right far beyond what she'd except. When the moon begs the question
will you have the answer yet? Can't you just adore her?"



Hello Valentines, I hope this blog reaches people of all relationship statuses. I'm so sorry for the lack of update, however I think it has all been building up for this. It should be a good one.

I am a virgin. At twenty-two years old I am well aware of the stigma attached to this. I aware of how rare this is and how some shame goes into that. Although I will never understand that? Some may call me a tease; others a prude. I understand the difficulty of this choice. This is a journey and often times it leaves you feeling exiled, it isn't easy. It has always been my choice and I have never been dishonest or deceitful about my intentions when it comes down to sex. Why should I have to feel ashamed for that? This Valentines Day I'm done feeling that way. Done with being made to feel unworthy or like I don't know what I'm talking about. That just because of the choice I've made I don't deal with the feelings or have to live with consequences.

I'm sure if you've been reading since my high school days you'd know my history with this day. Days filled with not only single awareness, but of "cursed" feelings. You've seen me change from that girl into one that is thankful for the blessed February fourteenths that I will cherish no matter how many lies followed them.

Please bear with me slightly blog readers, but February has been an interesting month for me the last few years. I apologize for over exhausting the topic and I apologize to myself for rehashing so many things I've kept to myself for so long. I can't help it that February has always been about Jordan for the past few years. Whether it was a six month marker, a Valentine's date, or his birthday. It is like looking back from a mirror to see the cracks in the glass I didn't see and I feel the tragedy in never wanting to speak to him again. This is purely nostalgic.

People in the last year whether they really know me or not look at me and judge my choices when it comes to sex. He was always the biggest critic and the more time that went along the harsher his critique became. In all honesty I wanted to have sex with him, but I've always known it wouldn't change anything. Certain people might lead you to believe that I pressured the marriage topic, but for every last suggestion came a demand for sex. That is the god honest truth. In the end sex meant more to him than any love he might have had for me. Like I said before this path isn't an easy one. Sometimes the paths we choose to protect ourselves can be painful. Jordan cheated on me; he knew from the very first day we met that I wouldn't sleep with him. I never led him to believe otherwise. However this Valentines Day and the rest from here are not about him because boys like Jordan are disposable.

This Valentine's Day is about learning to love the other things in my new February. I have learned that I don't want sex. No, I still believe in the old fashioned idea of waking up, putting on a white dress, and walking towards a man that will say I do. I am not going to sleep with a guy until I hear a wedding promise. I know it isn't what a boy wants to hear, but I hope the man I fall in love with will understand that. In fact I have great faith that he will. Let me explain myself a little clearer.

You might think I'm this huge bible driven person and when I was younger it might have came from religious roots. I always felt that I would disappoint people and myself. Slowly as I reached my teen years I started to realize that this was a personal choice. MY PERSONAL CHOICE! I am allowed to make this decision for MYSELF! This Valentines Day I know I'm loved and that I want someone to make love to me. There is no shame in wanting that; there is no shame in wanting to control my own sex life. I have written many blogs about my opinions about this so I don't want to go on about it anymore. I know I will find someone that deserves me and he won't be so demanding.

Happy Valentines Day
Can't you just adore her, without needing her in bed?


(NOTE: This Picture is from http://www.postsecret.com/: This is not mine. Do not sue me!)