It has been one of those days that makes me believe I am living one of those lives. It is a sad pathetic one full of condescending people with their mean comments and so-called friends who only contribution is to fill your life full of disappointments. Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Am I just cursed to walk the planet where nothing is sacred and the things that are important to me will never happen? I have always been one of those people that would do anything for anyone if they needed it. I have showed up to countless concerts and pick up people when there was no gas in my car so that they didn’t have to walk in the freezing cold. Good deeds don’t seem to pay off for me anymore, I am learning a harsh reality That it doesn’t really matter how hard your work or how much effort you put into something so that others can be happy, in the end nobody will care. All those things are meaningless.
Except for one thing. They are not meaningless and I am trying to hold my head up high as the world is crashing down. People say I’m a little dramatic, but maybe I just have more feeling and emotion in my life. Maybe I refuse to lay down and die. I fight for what I want and I try my hardest to get what I need. It isn’t a selfish want, but more of a fact that I do so much for others that sometimes it is nice to get the favor repaid. I loved doing things, please don’t get me wrong, however when is it my turn? When do they do things for me? Maybe I am being selfish?
In all the frustration I am trying to find hope. Two amazing people got married this weekend and I wish them the world. I hope their journey is long and narrow. I pray that god will lead them to all the achievements they want to reach. I also hope that one day I can share that same magical feeling with someone of my own. These miraculous moments still keep me holding tightly to god. I am excited for bible study tomorrow I want to have god teach me. I feel rather close to him surprisingly for being so angry with life right now. I have an immense feeling that god believes in me and is behind me in my pain. He is helping make it better because he knows my heart and he knows what can happen to a heart when promises are not kept. I am so happy to Sara tonight. I needed major baking therapy. Being able to talk and eat sweets was the perfect way to vent. I got a lot of insight and got full of good times with good friends. I personally want to thank Jordan also. He is a good boyfriend. Sometimes he gets a little overwhelming, but in times of great need he is a guy that sticks by you when all you can do it cry. So right now I’m learning to breathe. I really do love this song. It makes me feel better when nothing else can.
Except for one thing. They are not meaningless and I am trying to hold my head up high as the world is crashing down. People say I’m a little dramatic, but maybe I just have more feeling and emotion in my life. Maybe I refuse to lay down and die. I fight for what I want and I try my hardest to get what I need. It isn’t a selfish want, but more of a fact that I do so much for others that sometimes it is nice to get the favor repaid. I loved doing things, please don’t get me wrong, however when is it my turn? When do they do things for me? Maybe I am being selfish?
In all the frustration I am trying to find hope. Two amazing people got married this weekend and I wish them the world. I hope their journey is long and narrow. I pray that god will lead them to all the achievements they want to reach. I also hope that one day I can share that same magical feeling with someone of my own. These miraculous moments still keep me holding tightly to god. I am excited for bible study tomorrow I want to have god teach me. I feel rather close to him surprisingly for being so angry with life right now. I have an immense feeling that god believes in me and is behind me in my pain. He is helping make it better because he knows my heart and he knows what can happen to a heart when promises are not kept. I am so happy to Sara tonight. I needed major baking therapy. Being able to talk and eat sweets was the perfect way to vent. I got a lot of insight and got full of good times with good friends. I personally want to thank Jordan also. He is a good boyfriend. Sometimes he gets a little overwhelming, but in times of great need he is a guy that sticks by you when all you can do it cry. So right now I’m learning to breathe. I really do love this song. It makes me feel better when nothing else can.
So I leave with a prayer:
My Dearest Lord, I pray that you may grant me the healing that my heart needs right now. I hope you can show people the error in their ways and the pain they have caused others. I wish that you might help people understand the importance of things to people. That maybe it may not be important to them, but that it is important to people around them. Please give me forgiveness skills for I am struggling very much with this right now. I love you and I want to feel better, Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment