The Perfect Girlfriend?

A perfect girlfriend smiles when her world is breaking into pieces. She stays strong when the storm of emotions is flooding through her. She understands that her boyfriend has friends and she slowly learns that sometimes they are more important than her. That he may tell her that this isn’t true, but knows in her heart that it is. She may want to yell and throw things, but that isn’t what a proper girlfriend does. She listens to everything and she agrees with everything. She trains herself to make her things seem less important, that way when they don’t happen she doesn’t feel hurt or lonely. She learns that nothing is sacred and at any moment the plans can change. Her boyfriend may tell her that things will happen, but later when they don’t he will apologize thinking that it doesn’t hurt her when it does. That all it takes is “I’m sorry” and he can just erase the sadness. She doesn’t let it get to her and she accepts it.




This girl doesn’t exist and I’m tired of trying to be her. I’m not the perfect girlfriend and I apologize. I don’t accept and I don’t want to accept that his friends are more important because to be brutally honest that is unacceptable. Maybe I’m just being a little overdramatic because I’m extremely hurt. That again I’m told one thing and then see another. It has to with broken promises and horrible CDs with songs about breaking up with people. I don’t know of any girl that would love a CD with songs such as “Song for the Dumped” and “This is War.” If you find her just let me know. It was a decent attempt and the songs are really good, but not something you send someone to tell them you love them, right? If a loving message is what the person wants to share, then this was far from that. Right now this is an extreme confession; a confession that I feel I’m slowly loosing this battle. I just think of this line from a Fine Frenzy song. “I’d never want to see you unhappy. I thought you’d want the same for me?” All I want in life at this moment is to make him happy and I break my heart trying to do that sometimes. However I don’t feel that same idea lives in his heart. Maybe in my attempt to be the perfect girlfriend I lost the love of my boyfriend? I need to stop before I start to cry and before I think of stupid things.