When I Look at the Stars

"I feel like myself"

My life has been so crazy these last two weeks, but I know deep in my heart I wouldn’t trade these weeks for anything. So maybe starting college was a little stressful at first. It has taught me how much strength I have. I was scared that first day and I was bummed. I have gotten better, I know that life is not always as it seems. These past two weeks have also taught me about fear, how to take big risks and learning that it is ok to be unbelievably happy. I have learned that maybe it is ok to be scared, but that you can't get anywhere in life without it.

Today is my first post in September, a month that has always held so much mystery and happiness for me. It is funny, when everything in the world can go wrong, the month still makes me happy. Today is a beautiful blur that I will never forget. I am thankful and I already miss it, even though it isn't over yet. I didn't know it was this possible to be honest and have perfection. I am literally in a dream I am so afraid to wake up from. There aren’t words to describe it, just music.

I have always had a faith in god, I have always had trust in or at least tried in many of the decisions I make. I have spent many nights and many hours praying that god would bless me with someone to make me happy someday. Today I got my prayer. My belief in god has intensified. I have this odd feeling that no matter what happens god really is there and he wants to see me happy. I know it is very weird and I don’t want to scare anyone, but I am happy. I haven’t felt so in a long time. In fact, I don’t remember if I have ever. I am so close to the edge of something absolutely awesome, I am just afraid to jump. I want to make sure that I have that faith in someone to catch me, that hand to hold on tightly to. I speak very metophorically I know. Sometimes I wonder if I think too deeply for people and for the person I am. That I am too much of a heartfilled dreamer for the real world. I am so happy to have my unbelievable faith back. This time last year I lost my faith in what god was, what he wanted to show me. I was selfish and lost. Today I feel like every prayer in my life has been answered and the ones that haven't don't really matter.

Hey There Delilah has a new meaning to me, certain things that are said in daily life make me smile when before I would have just passed it by. There are things I understand now, things I didn’t understand before. I don’t know, I am just thinking out loud here.

I am kind of tired, I have school tomorrow. So good night to all.

The title is to a Switchfoot song: Stars on Nothing is Sound