Smashed Potatoes

It is late, almost 11:00pm. Wow it is amazing how fast time just seems to fly. I guess I am writing this blog so late, because I know this is the time when I am most vulnerable. It is a time where I can be honest with myself. I have come to realize that things happen when you least expect them to. Sometimes it can be a good thing and sometimes it can be a bad one. I wonder if it is how we percieve these changes in our lives that tend to put us in a certain mood. I feel very grateful right now, I felt like a loser and like a potato being smashed this past year, but in looking back I would have done it differently, but not changed a thing. I would have still learned the same lessons. I am thankful for this boy that broke me apart, and broke down my wall, this boy that I trusted so very much, and this boy that let me down. I know that this year would not have been the same without his presence in my life. This person made my life a hell, an empty pit of dispair. But without that pit, I wouldn't have grown stronger, I wouldn't have grown into faithful women I am today. I thank the people this past year for giving me my faith in god back. I felt bad, sad, mad, glad, you name it I was feeling it this year. I went through a whole spectrum of moods and feelings and I grew into a person. A live person that knows she needs god in her life, one that begs for god to help her work through the pain. To stand in the rain and stand my ground, to keep standing when all is falling down. That is what I am thankful for. For strength. For the strength not to cry, when I felt like I had to, that strength eventually turned into wisdom. That nothing so meaningless is worth crying over. I am honest and I feel good about it.